my mom just told me that she’s bisexual

dear heather,

My mom just told me she’s bisexual. I know it’s wrong to hate her for it, but I look at my mom in a different way now. I don’t see her like before and it really bothers me that I feel this way. What should I do?

People who learn a close relative is gay or bisexual often feel strong emotions that can range from anger (just as you are experiencing) to confusion and hurt. Often the process of acceptance involves mourning for the person you “thought” your relative was. This is completely normal, but I’m sure you are eager to move past this in order to feel close to your mom again.Talking to someone about this would probably help. Speak in confidence to a school counselor or, better yet, talk to someone who has been through this before. You might want to check out the services provided by PFLAG (Parents, Families and Friends of Lesbians and Gays), a group created specifically to offer support to family members and friends of lesbian and gay people.

PFLAG hosts support groups, but also works with individuals on a case-by-case basis via e-mail or on the phone. They have about 500 chapters across the country, so there is probably one near you. (You can also visit gURL’s message boards for additional support.)

Don’t be afraid to talk to your mom too. I’m sure she realizes this must be difficult for you. Just speak from the heart and try not to attack her. Let her know how her revelation affects you without insisting that she change.

Just know you probably won’t always feel this way. As you get “reacquainted” with your mom and discover that not much has actually changed, you may find it’s not the big deal you once thought it was.

take care,

Posted in: Family, Help Me Heather
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