dear heather,
My friend was at a party and this boy put a date rape drug in her drink. She can’t remember anything that happened and is worried she may have done something wrong. She is not able to sleep well at night because she worries about what might have happened. What should she do?

In cases involving the use of date rape drugs, it can sometimes be difficult to determine whether sexual assault has occurred, since the drugs typically cause a loss of consciousness and an inability to recall events.Some physical clues of sexual assault include waking up in an unfamiliar place and/or in state of undress; the presence of semen; and soreness or bruising over the body, especially in the area of the vulva, vagina, or anus. Did your friend report finding any of this type of evidence?

Another clue would be a person’s drowsiness and subsequent loss of consciousness and memory in greater proportion to the amount of alcohol she had ingested (if any at all). It sounds as though your friend is pretty sure that she was drugged, but is unsure about the sexual assault.

If she believes she has been raped, she should know that she has in no way done anything “wrong.” Having sex with her while she was unconscious is most definitely wrong, however. In fact, it is a crime, but the window for collecting physical evidence in rape cases is quite short. There are drug tests that can detect the presence of date rape drugs in the urine, and physical clues such as semen and pubic hairs can be collected from the victim’s body after an assault, but such evidence is typically lost after a few days.

What to do now will be a tough decision for your friend. It can be very difficult to come forward for fear of being ridiculed, especially if your friend does not remember what happened, or if a lot of time has passed since the incident. The advantages of reporting the crime may be that it allows your friend to focus her energies on the rapist’s punishment, rather than punishing herself, but it can carry emotional risks. Rape victims often feel re-victimized by the system when they report the crime, especially in cases where drug-assisted rape has occurred and there is no memory of the event.

The most important thing you can do for your friend is to listen and to offer her your continued support. It won’t be easy for her to go through this. She may need some reassurance that she is not at fault and that it is natural to feel angry and ashamed.

Please urge your friend to seek other sources of support as well. Refer her to gURL’s rape resource page, for more information and additional resources. I also would urge her to talk to one of her parents or a trusted adult like a school counselor. Remind her, too, to be tested for pregnancy, sexually transmitted diseases and HIV.

All the best to you and your friend.

take care,
heather