my friend is sooo clingy

dear heather,
My friend is sooo clingy and I was wondering if I could do anything about it without being too mean? She looks for me everywhere and waits in the hall for me. I don’t want to be mean because she is very sensitive. How can I be subtle while still getting my point across?

I applaud you for taking care not to hurt your friend’s feelings, even though you are quite frustrated with the situation.

I wonder why she is so focused on you. She may be a shy person who has trouble making friends. If so, you might try encouraging her to hang out with other people by introducing her to some of your acquaintances. Invite her to parties and guide her toward people with common interests. If she resists, tell her, “Meeting new people is GOOD for you! There are so many cool people here.” Encourage her to join a club that she might enjoy.

If this doesn’t work (or even if it does) you might just want to bite the bullet and approach it directly. I would recommend doing it when you are not feeling particularly frustrated, though. Like you said, you don’t want to be mean. Start out by saying something positive like, “I’m concerned about you because I notice you don’t hang out with many people–just me. You’re such a great person and I wonder why that is…” This might get the conversation flowing in the right direction.

Another thought is that your friend might have a crush on you. There are all kinds of crushes–some have been called “girl-crushes,” indicating a platonic fascination and admiration. Others are straight-out crushes with romantic overtones. If you sense that this is the case and you are uncomfortable with the idea, that may be more difficult to discuss. Again, I would suggest that you bring up the topic when you’re fairly calm and always lead with the positive.

take care,

Posted in: Friends, Help Me Heather
  • pochoco

    Uuu… I know how that is. I had this friend, she was just like this. She was always waiting for me to get online, and if I wasn't on she would call me or message me to death. Then she got all HUG HUG HUG on me and even tried to hold my hand and kiss me! She was ALWAYS looking for me, and spammed all my stuff with comments. It was scary how attached she was!! She was also very self-absorbed, and when I tried to break it off (because it was kinda scaring me!) she went and told everyone I had roken her precious heart and that I
    uined her life, and that he same would happen to my exchange student if he isn't careful. When my rep as an artist got screwed up because of her (also an artist, who loved to tell me how I could be as good as her if I tried) I was really insulted, and finally I just told her the truth. It didn't go well, but it got rid of her and her stalking for now!

    (sorry about the tl;dr)