my mom invades my privacy

dear heather,

My mom is annoying me. She keeps being overprotective, trying to save me from everything when all I want to do is fix my own problems myself. Plus, she goes through my things or she looks on my laptop screen and starts to ask about everything. I consider my life on the Internet something that’s only mine, but she feels the need to invade my privacy. I have asked her to stop yet she doesn’t. What can I do to get her to allow me to have my own life?

The relationship between parent and teen often rests on trust, which can be a delicate balance to achieve and maintain. Parents who feel that their teens’ lives are mysteries to them are more likely to butt-in and snoop. With all of the possible “dangers” out there, many believe that it’s better to be safe than sorry.If you’re the type who would rather put a nail through your hand than talk to your parents about anything, that may be exacerbating the situation. Opening up about some of the stuff that’s going on in your life might help to her feel more comfortable trusting you.

You can also try addressing the situation head-on at a time when you are both calm and not in the middle of conflict. Let her know that, though you appreciate her guidance, having space to solve things on your own right now is important. It might help to describe this time as training for adulthood. Reassuring her that you will come to her when you hit bumps in the road or have a difficult decision to make may help her to relax and trust you more, but you must be sincere. She will likely sense it, if you are not.

If your mother’s behavior has been prompted by rules you have broken or some trouble you have gotten into, however, you may have more work to do. The trust must be regained. Rules must be followed, the straight and narrow must be walked.

take care,
heather


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