my parents want me to choose between them

dear heather,

My parents can’t choose who should have custody of me so they want me to choose. My mum says that if I choose dad and my step-mum, then she’ll never forgive me. She also won’t let me see her or my three little siblings (who are not my dad’s) ever again. But I know if I choose my mum she’ll take me back to Canada which is where she is from and I won’t ever see my dad again. What’s your advice?

I’m so sorry you’re being placed in the middle of such a difficult situation. It must be excruciating to be told you have to choose between two people you care about. Have you tried telling your parents how deeply this is affecting you? It may just be that they are too focused on their own conflict to notice how much they are hurting you. If you haven’t spoken with them about this, you might start there.If you’ve tried that already, could you try enlisting the help of a “neutral” relative or adult friend of the family who might intervene on your behalf? Or perhaps one of your school counselors? Some parents are more likely to think seriously about the fallout from their behavior when another adult brings the situation to their attention.

At any rate, I hope you have good friends to help support you through this. Aside from asking a therapist or school counselor to help you address the custody issue with your parents, you might also want to consult one for general support. It’s tough times when your parents are going through a divorce. For more help or info., check out our resource list for divorce.

take care,

Posted in: Family, Help Me Heather