my friend doesn’t think anything i say is important

dear heather,
My friend doesn’t think anything I have to say is important. She will ask me how my day was and before I can say anything she starts talking about what happened to her. She thinks everything she has to say is so important. What can I do?

When some people ask others about themselves it is only a pretense–they really want an excuse to talk about themselves. But it must feel pretty disappointing that your friend seems so consistently uninterested in what you have to say. I suspect that her self-centered behavior must also make you feel bad about yourself sometimes, might make you wonder if you are simply uninteresting. It may be helpful to realize that people have their own psychological limitations that have little to do with you, even if their limitations ultimately affect you.

You can try talking to your friend about this. She may not be aware of what she’s doing or how it affects you. But be prepared. The problem may be deeper than you think. Depending on how severely impaired she is, she may or may not be willing (or able) to change her behavior.

I hope you two can work this out, but if she doesn’t see a problem, you may have to accept the reality that she can never be the kind of friend you would like her to be, unless she seeks help. Letting go of a friend can be difficult if you consider her “close,” but how close can you two be if she is not interested in what you have to say?

take care,
heather


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