dear heather,

I’ve been going out with a guy for three weeks and I really like him, I know he wants me to have sex with him, we’ve been really far already. I’m still a virgin and I don’t know if I want to lose that title yet. I also don’t want to lose my boyfriend! What should I do?

When you’re deciding to do it or not to do it for the first time, there is a lot to think about. Virginity means something different and very personal to each girl in a given situation. But no matter what it means, it is important to be comfortable with your decision every time you participate in sexual intimacy, whether you are deciding to have intercourse for the first time, make out, give or receive oral sex, or anything else.

So before you do anything, you really need to think about what this all means to you and to try to understand what you want for yourself. From the sound of your letter, it seems that you do have hesitations about “losing your virginity”. I think before you take any actions you need to understand where these hestitations are coming from and what they are about.

You really have to be clear about what you want; and just try to ignore or block out what your boyfriend wants so that you can be clear where your motivation is coming from. No one, not even your boyfriend, can tell you whether or not you are ready for sex. You need to be comfortable with what you decide to do and if you feel any hesitation you should most likely wait until you really know in your heart and head that you are doing what you want.

take care,
heather