my friend just told me he was gay

dear heather,
My friend and I have known each other for a long time. He recently told me that he is gay and I don’t know how to deal. This has totally changed things between us. I feel that I can tell him more personal stuff because now I don’t see him as a potential boyfriend. To make matters worse a mutual friend’s mother took it upon herself to tell my mother about him and said that he has to get tested for AIDS. This is just too much to handle at one time!

First of all there is no reason to start acting any differently around your friend because he is still the same exact person, you just now have more information about him. You should feel honored that he chose to confide in you and this may change your friendship in a very positive way. It seems like you are having the right reaction. And it is okay to feel like something has shifted.

You should be aware of whether or not the situation is difficult for him and you should try to support him as much as you can. You should be open to your friend and your new perception of him. Just because your friend is gay there is no reason for him to be tested for AIDS. Do you know whether or not your friend has participated in any risky behavior such as unsafe sex or IV drug use? These are the reasons anyone should think your friend should be tested for AIDS.

take care,
heather


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