i like my friend’s boyfriend

dear heather,
I have kind of a problem, I think that I really like my bestfriends boyfriend. I know it is sooo wrong. But I know that we have feelings for each other…he told me he has feelings for me too…we’ve talked about it before, we both decided that my bestfriend (his girlfriend) is more important that anything that would ever happen to us.

My friend knows what has happened, which isn’t anything big, we haven’t kissed or anything like that, but it has come close, I know that I would never go out with him because he is to big of a flirt, but I like him a lot…we’re like best friends…I am really close to his girlfriend, I can’t seem to make myself stop liking him.

I was thinking that maybe if I found the right guy, then everything would be alright, but I’ve liked other guys and I always end up liking him again…sometimes I get so frustrated I’ll start crying from the guilt I have for my friend, and the helpless feelings I have for her boyfriend, I don’t know what to do…could you please help me?

Wow this is a very common theme among the questions that I get. It is sometimes very hard to choose between your romantic feelings and your friends. Maybe this is such a common theme because people may feel more comfortable with a boy who is the boyfriend of a friend because you have more time to spend together and there is not much pressure. This has happened to me more than a few times in my life.

I think you really have to convince yourself that he is not available and try to focus your energy in other areas. It seems like you will only get hurt or be wasting your time if you keep feeling so strongly about him, not to mention hurting your best friend. Of course this is easier said than done and feelings can be impossible to ignore. Try to think about all the peace of mind you will have once you know that he is not worth all your effort.

take care,
heather


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