i’m pregnant and feeling lonely

dear heather,
I’m 19 years old, just got married in June, and am six months pregnant. I love my husband dearly and have been with him for a while now, but I’m still lonely. We stay at my parents’ house and everyone is very supportive.But I just feel like no one understands how I feel and what I’m going through. My high school friends have all gone off to college and when I talk to them, all they talk about is their new lives and experiences. I stay home and watch TV all day or get on the computer, and I feel so anti-social. I miss having a life! Help!

Transitions can be very difficult for anyone going through them. Just as you are going through a major change in your life, so too are your friends who are going to college. Your old friends might be having a hard time understanding what your situation is like. The more you can share with them, the more they might be able to understand what you are going through. There are a lot of things you can do to feel as if you have a life, even though they are different from what your friends are doing. Try to meet young mothers and mothers-to-be through different support groups in your area. If you see a doctor for prenatal care, ask her or him where you can find such organizations. Another possibility is to go online to the pregnancy and parenting resources at www.dealwithit.com to find information–and possibly other women who are in a similar situation. There are several listings for teen mothers that may be particularly helpful.What else are you interested in? You could consider taking classes in academic or other subjects if you miss being in school or learning in general. You could join a gym and work out regularly–perhaps a local gym has special classes for moms-to-be? A community center can also be a good place to learn about classes for mothers and children together, for after you have your baby.

At the same time, staying in touch with your old friends can be completely rewarding, even though you don’t have that much in common anymore. Talk to them about how you feel a bit left out from their talk about college and their new experiences. You could even hang out with them over a weekend, or you and your husband can meet your friends for dinner on campus.

And eventually, you might be able to hire some of your old friends as babysitters; your pals might be thrilled to hang out with your new baby–and you and your husband get to have a night out.

Also, keep in mind that having a child is a life-changing experience. The things you think about now will definitely change once your baby is born, and ultimately everything will fall into place in a whole new way.

take care,
heather


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