she blames me for smoking

dear heather,
A few months ago my friend and I were wondering what smoking a cigarette would be like. So, we took one from my uncle’s room and we only had a puff. Neither of us liked it. Now my friend is like addicted to smoking and she is blaming it on me. What should I do?

Well, it’s not like you took a cigarette and forced your friend to smoke it that first time, right? If not, then I don’t think your friend should be blaming you for her cigarette smoking. It may be that your friend feels bad about her smoking, and rather than do the hard work it takes to stop, she is blaming you for being there when she started. Or maybe she does somehow feel that you made her start smoking. Whatever the reason, talking to your friend about why she feels that way can probably get to the root of the problem.

Also, you might try asking your friend about why she has continued to smoke. Sometimes people smoke because they don’t want to face other problems in their lives, while others use smoking as a way to deal with stress or nervousness. She may have such a problem, and talking about it might help her get it out.

Some people are able to quit smoking despite cigarettes’ grip. But nicotine and cigarettes are very addictive; there are people who have smoked for years and say they wish they could stop and wish they had never started.

The body’s urge for nicotine will lessen significantly after a few days of not smoking, and there are nicotine gums and patches that help smokers wean themselves off cigarettes. There are also programs like The Great American Smokeout and tips from the American Cancer Society that can help smokers who want to quit.

Ultimately, it’s your friend’s decision as to whether she wants to stop smoking or not–but talking to her about it can help you both understand why she has continued to do it after the first time.

take care,

Posted in: Friends, Help Me Heather
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