i’m really confused about my identity

dear heather,

For the last year or so, I’ve been really confused about my identity. The way I should dress, act, and think has all caused a lot of confusion for me. My schoolmates and the internet community haven’t really helped all that much–the goths and punks are too concerned about who’s a poser or not to tell me what I need to hear, the nerds and geeks will shun you if you can’t program a computer, and the preps and wannabe preps have taken to calling me “the weird girl.” Finding my identity on my own has been almost impossible because of my many conflicting interests and beliefs. I feel like I’m being torn to pieces and I don’t know what to do! Do you have any advice?

Finding your identity is never ever easy. In fact in most cases, I think it’s a life long project. You say finding your identity on your own has been almost impossible but I think it is really the only way to find your identity. My advice to you is to really listen to yourself as much as you can. What are the things that make you happy? How do you feel about things in your life? music? political issues? academics? How are you most comfortable? What new things would you like to try? What clothes do you most like to wear? I know it may sound trite, but the best way to find your identity is to understand yourself.Also, it may be useful to think about what it means to YOU to be a goth or a geek or a prep. These labels certainly mean different things to different people.

There is no reason that anyone needs to make a final decision about her identity or decide to be only one thing at any given moment. Lots of people have different identities for different circumstances. You might be the kind of person that can identify with many different groups at once–and this can be a very good thing.

take care,

Posted in: Being Different, Help Me Heather