am i restricting myself too much?

dear heather,

I’ve set very mature restrictions for myself and I’m only 15. I’m a vegan, I don’t drink or do drugs and I don’t want to have sex until I’m in love with someone and have known them a while. I’m very proud of my will power but sometimes I feel like these rules are keeping me from experiencing life. I like how I have an independent mind but it’s quite a burden and people think I’m a total dork. Do you think I’m being too restrictive with myself?

You said it: Those are mature restrictions, apparently based on some careful and independent thought. You’re obviously not throwing yourself into anything without considering the risks.By the same token, however, you’re the only one who can decide if you’re being “too restrictive.”

It’s not easy processing all the complicated information available about such loaded topics as sex, love, drugs, drinking, diet, animal rights etc. And the decisions people make about how to accommodate that information are very personal. For some, they’re part of a lifelong process of evaluation.

First of all, I would encourage you to be easy on yourself. It sounds like you’re worried that even a small change in any of the areas you mentioned would show some kind of weakness, but putting pressure on yourself to be perfect is not healthy either.

I’m definitely not suggesting you try anything for the sake of it. I admire your “will power.” And in my experience, some people come out of these periods of evaluation with a new sense of commitment to living with restrictions.

Whatever you decide to do, I encourage you to seek out like-minded people who will certainly remind you that you are not a dork at all.

take care,

Posted in: Everything Else, Help Me Heather
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  • Leah

    Hey! ๐Ÿ™‚
    I am just like you (Well used too) …But I’m 13 :L
    Anyway’s I was scared incase I got A STD from sex or died because of drug’s,
    I know you want to pretect yourself but be a rebel and take risk’s at the same time :S
    Put it this way
    . Have sex when you want just make sure you use a condom and pill and that you know the persion, you don’t have to be in love and it might help but feel better about sex :S
    .I’ve never smoked in my life and a lot of my friends do, so to seemed cool if I just said I did but I quited a wile go, they have no idea that I really haven’t and they think I’m really growen up for quitting it makes them look bad ๐Ÿ™‚
    . Never take drug’s evan if you want to look cool or presured!
    What ive done is lied and say i took a skinny pill once but I dident and their not that bad but it makes me look a little like a rish taker :L
    Well I’m 13 I don’t know a lot but I pretend ive doen things when I actully haven’t, please dont say ur a prude because your reposible ๐Ÿ™‚ Im not much of a help but I can relate ๐Ÿ™‚ xxx

  • Alex

    Omg,I am so happy to hear that you are mature enough to set rules for youself I am the same way.I am a fourteen year old in highschool and most people that I know have had sex,smokes weed and gtten drunk and I for one am very dissapointed in these people.I have personally vowed that I will staya virgin for the remainder of my life and that I will NEVER smoke or do harmful drugs;although I may in the future have a beer or two.Most people that I know say I'm crazy but in the end I ask them was it worth losing your virginity and puting drugs in you system and the answer is always NO……it's never worth it an don't worry your not depriving your self of lifes experiences thre are far too many other things to do in life that do not require you to lose your dignity and pride.Be proud that you are mature enough to set your own retriction,just as I have done the same ๐Ÿ™‚ you go gurl!!!

  • Jade

    I am really glad to hear that, I also have the same restrictions for myself excluding being vegan. I am waiting until marriage to have sex and I don't believe in drinking or smoking. I know how you feel, how sometimes it seems like your being hard on yourself but it sounds like the choices you have made are all very healthy and for your well being, just remember that you can still have fun without lowering your standards. Your not a dork for taking care of yourself and staying in control. ๐Ÿ™‚